Archive for January, 2009

African American Breaks Into GOP Leadership

African American Elected GOP Chair. Republicans surprise themselves.

In a surprise move the Republican party elected former Maryland Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele the first African American chair of their party. Longtime Republicans across the nation are largely amazed, and a bit confused, by the development. Republican strategist Stan Walkmer summed up the reaction. “You have got to be kidding. I didn’t realize Mr. Steele is black. Isn’t that something? I hadn’t even noticed. I guess that’s affirmative action for you. At least he’ll be easy to spot in a Republican crowd.”

When asked if Mr. Steele’s election has anything to do with the recent historic election of the nation’s first African American and the substantial across the board losses his party has suffered Mr. Walkmer responded, “We in the GOP are not interested in the color of a person’s skin, only the quality of his or her character. Republicans are one big family. Every family has a black sheep or two.  I for one am looking forward to Mr. Steele teaching our party some of those fancy handshakes his people are famous for. ”

Republicans from coast to coast are not exactly sure what just happened. “I quit the Democrats and became a Republican cause I thought it stood up for the white man. Now I see it was all just talk,” said former Arkansas white supremacist Jasper Wyand. “Who the hell is going to look out for me now? Damn.”

“I supported McCain and Palin. They looked like me. They talked like me.They weren’t Muslim terrorists,” complained Kansas home maker Sylva Thimple. “I guess I should’ve just stayed home and barricaded the door.”

Observers believe the Republican leadership is responding to the changing face of America. Demographic shifts are leading to a darker America and the Republican party does not want to miss the boat. “If we expect to be relevant in America’s future we are going to have to reach out to those we traditionally ignored and dismissed,” said Shelly Shpole. “We are remaking the Republican party to include a new generation of  less white conservatives. But the core values of the Republican party of self reliance, small government and fear of all that is new and different will not be compromised. Just because we have let in a few blacks doesn’t mean we have any intention of accepting other groups such as gays. Don’t expect us to even consider that one until a gay man is elected president.”

Former US Senator Trent Lott (R- Mississippi) could not be reached for comment.


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