Paul McCartney announced today that, contrary to popular misconception, he has always been the humblest Beatle. “People think George was the humble one but I showed George everything he knew about being humble,” said the former member of the 1970’s pop band Wings in a recent People Magazine interview. “The fact is, George was an obnoxious, self involved, typical lead guitar rock star until I sat him down and showed him my techniques for self humbling. And I was way more spiritual than George. He was practically a God hating atheist until I humbly showed him the way to the spiritual path that he would follow the rest of his days.”
The former mop top leader and spiritual guide went on to list some of the other misconceptions about the roles of the various members of the Fab Four. “I was wearing jewelry way before Ringo ever put on a ring. I gave him his first as a matter of fact. It was a rhinestone friendship ring that I won at a Liverpool carnival. And then there was the time I joked to John how we were more popular then Jesus. I didn’t know he would repeat it so everyone else could hear. That’s when I knew I was the smartest Beatle. I was the one who was originally going to marry the beautiful Patti Boyd. I was after all, the cutest Beatle. But George would have been heartbroken so I stepped aside. And I know the songs are credited to Lennon/McCartney but I came up with most of them. All the really good ones anyways.”
“I must admit that the roles people gave us were partly my own fault. Brian Epstein wasn’t sure what to do with us so I sat him down and laid out a plan that he generally tried to follow that led to our superstardom. Though occasionally I did have to get him back on track. The poor guy just wasn’t up to the task. I don’t know how I was able to write all those great songs while trying to keep the band together. I guess I just have really good time management skills.”
The other former Beatles could not be reached for comment.